So what if a woman hits a man?


there’s nothing wrong with that is there? After all he must ‘deserve’ it!? Maybe he hit her first… Maybe he cheated on her… He must be weak… so many reason’s why it’s ‘okay’ for a woman to hit a man…

*STOP*

Before you go thinking I am condoning this behaviour – I’m NOT! Just as it is wrong for a man to hit a woman, it is also wrong for a woman to hit a man – for anyone to hit anyone else! Even in self-defense violence of any kind should only be a last resort!

What has prompted me to write this blog you wonder.  Well following my disgust at the sexism and feminism that spurred me to write my ‘Is Chivalry Sexist?‘ post I have received many comments on that blog which have been interesting, informative and outright ‘sensibility’ in the face of such a controversial and provoking topic. One comment lead me to read another bloggers post (Just a Man Writing), where amongst the many brilliant (but lengthy – beware if you aren’t a big reader like me) articles I stumbled across a link to this video clip…

Now, I have always been aware that woman are as violent (if not more so) than men, that women have been perpetrators of many crimes against men – of domestic violence towards men, abusers of men, sexually harassing men, falsely accusing men of rape – be they partners, ex’s, colleagues and even strangers. Yet, the reactions of most of the passers by in this video came as a surprise even to me!  The typical reactions being similar to those with which I started this post, people just walking by not at all concerned that anything ‘bad’ was taking place! The most disgusting being the woman whose response was to punch the air with glee and reported she was thinking “good for her, you go girl” as she thought he must ‘have it coming’! Thankfully, at least a few people had more conscience about them and actually called the police!

However, despite the continuing rise in cases of violence and abuse against men it is not so often you will see such things in the news as you will when women are the victims.  The most recent news piece I could find about this topic in the UK was an article in the Scotsman.  The reason there is not more reporting on this topic is multi-facted, the main fact being that men are less likely to report incidents to the police as they are less likely to believe that they have been a victim, or if they do believe it they have greater fear of being seen as ‘weak’, not being believed, or being blamed than they do of the abuse they are suffering.  And as the Scotsman article indicates being seen as outright liars – men ‘manipulating the system’ (making false accusations) when their female victim ‘retaliates’ against them the ‘real’ abuser (the man) – of course women can’t be the ‘manipulators’ or ‘liars’ here can they!?

Another article is this one in the Guardian from a few weeks ago.  This article suggests (not unsurprisingly) that feminism has played a large part in promoting the notion that ‘domestic violence’ was a crime against women and highlights the fact that until there are more campaigns to educate, secure services for and encourage male victims to come forward the true level of victims will remain unknown.

More needs to be done to help men who suffer at the hands of women, be it physical, mental, or emotional abuse or violence.  Just as it would appear most people think violence against women is wrong, I would have liked to think we thought the same about violence against men – it would appear I am wrong and that is just very, very sad :(

The Mankind Initiative is one UK based charity that is working to provide help and support for male victims of domestic abuse and violence.

‘One in six men will be a victim of domestic abuse in their lifetime’

If you have been affected by the issues raised in this post you can call the Mankind Helpline on  01823 334244

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23 comments on “So what if a woman hits a man?

  1. This is probably my second post on your blog, and it’s going to start just as the last one did.

    “The way I was raised…” men should be strong. Yeah. We should all be strong. But, the truth is, strength is not Arnold Schwarzenegger mark 2. This would be a very, very lengthy discussion, so let’s cut to the chase, shall we?

    Point is, I’ve been on the receiving end of “female brutality”. Not kidding. I’ve once had a girlfriend which could kick the crap out of me. Sad, eh? Well, as people (in general) become more and more aware of the fact that men and women should be equal in rights, it also becomes apparent that a woman can actually kick that hell out of a guy. Now, I may be a somewhat (ok, not just somewhat) proud male, but the truth is, the gal I was talking about earlier was the only one who actually kicked the hell out of me. Twice. Without me even having a reasonable chance of defending myself.

    Anyways. The point is, there are women who can literally kick the crap out of guys. It’s not a myth. I don’t care what other people think about it, I’ve witnessed it first hand. Macho men and macho women. She was the only person alive who managed that, aside from my father.

    Now, this is not something widespread. At least not in my country. I’m not from UK, y’know. Not US either. Actually, I’m from a damned backwater called Romania. You may have heard of it, but believe me, don’t trust anything you hear on the news. Long talk here also. Returning to the topic, the point is most women in my country are beautiful, not “Hulk smash puny human!!!” types. Really. What happened to me was the proverbial exception that confirmed the rule.

    Sure, there are women that can kick a man’s ass so hard, they’d never know what hit them. Generally, we hear about men that hit women on the news. Sincerely now, the ratio “favors” men as aggressors, but, as always, that’s not the whole story.

    So, next time you see a woman kicking the crap out of a guy, you may like to do something as refreshingly reasonable as breaking the fight, asking around and actually finding out who started it all and why. Because, men and women being equal in rights, should both be given the right of due process. I could never stand a man hitting a woman (the way I was raised, again, I am supposed to stop this from happening and kick the crap out of the guy if it’s his fault, but I should inquire first nonetheless). But violence is something we should all strive to eradicate, right? Yes, it is.

    Oh, and for the sake of it, I’ll pass along a joke my sister told me a couple of days ago. “What is the female equivalent to a misogynist? A feminist.” Think about it and use reason first and foremost before you pass judgement.

    As always, this is simply my personal opinion. Sorry for the lengthy text, hope it wasn’t too much of an inconvenience.

    • Hi Dan,

      Thanks for your comment. Don’t worry about the length, it’s fine! :)

      Sorry to hear about your experience. Hope you don’t mind me asking, did she give an reason/excuse why she kicked the crap out of you? (did you leave the toilet seat up or something petty like that) or was she just nasty? I’m trying to understand if women abusers use the same excuses for their behaviour as those you hear about men – ‘dinner was cold’ ‘she didn’t iron the creases right in my shirt’…

      Love the joke – I think it sums it up very well! lol :P

  2. No, I don’t mind really. She never gave me a reason or apologized. The truth is, I’m not sure what she actually thought about the entire thing, but my best guess would be that she was trying to be affectionate. This happened about a decade or so ago, so we were both still kids really. You know how kids are. And she was an Aries, the impulsive kind, if you believe what’s said about them.

    I didn’t stick around to find the answer to the question from the source. It had a lot to do with my survival instincts. At any rate, she didn’t hate me, I didn’t hate her, she probably just needed to learn how to express her feelings in a more peaceful way, but I didn’t have a suit of full plate at hand to stay and help speed up the process.

    This is just an example of what can happen, I’m sure there are much better ones out there. But it can happen, to anyone really. As I’ve said before, there are wackos on both sides, and some are especially dangerous.

    If she wants to, a woman can learn to fight as well as any man. She doesn’t even need to be strong. Look in the history books, read about the celts and the picts for example, and their fierce warrior women. Women actually have an advantage here, as most men, blinded by their pride, never see it coming. As Sun Tzu said, all warfare is based on deception. This is why in my previous post I said one should try to learn what really happened before placing the blame. It would be rare to find out a woman beat up a guy, but you never know.

    PS: As far as lame excuses go, those mentioned by you are up there with the silliest ones. It is said that women are more emotional, while men are more calculated. In this regard, I would expect the lame excuses to be different (“He didn’t appreciate the way I dressed today” maybe), but lame nonetheless.

    • Thank you for sharing. I can understand why you wouldn’t want to ‘stick around’ to find out why she lashed out!

      I struggle with my emotions due to my BPD, but ‘generally’ I haven’t lashed out much (more self-harm than harming others) but there were times when I ‘flipped’ and feeling ‘threatened’ I would grab the nearest object and throw it at the person (usually my husband) who I felt threatened by. I’m sure there aren’t many people who can say they have never ‘hit out’ at another in the heat of the moment, it’s when it becomes a ‘habit’ or way of life when it becomes a real problem – though this is still no excuse for those other occasions, but we are human and sometimes our emotions get the better of us (especially fear and anger!). I like to think I have a better grasp of my ‘explosive’ side now, as like you say I was much younger then (it was also over 10 years ago) I’m a Sagittarius (another Fire sign like aries) and born in the year of the Dragon – I’m never sure if these things really have an influence on us as individuals, but it is interesting the parallels that can be drawn at times…

  3. Wow: I love it when I stumble upon a female blogger who says what you are saying–the net is so full of feminist gynorhea.

    I just posted an analyses of the issue of academic prostitution–the collusion between academics to minimize issues and politicize others.

    Thanks for the support of men, and fairness.

    • HI, thanks for your comments.

      I’ve just read your article – fascinating reading. I fully agree that academics are in collusion to minimize certain issues and promote others – its a very sad state of affairs!

      Thanks for the stats too :)

  4. Pingback: Is chivalry sexist? « Day in the life of a Busy Gal…

  5. Hey– I hope you don’t mind, but I saved your page here. I might write about it later. I would also like to ask if you would mind if I pointed here in my article? I find your honesty and accountability for your violent behavior startling! And really cool;-)

    I am trying really hard to a) not be enraged every time I bump into the ‘feminist’ denial of women’s aggression, and b) to identify social mechanisms that encourage that, while c) trying hard to come to grtasp with issues of white, and particularly female privilege, and also fighting through my own personal issues.

    With that in mind, I am seeking allies, particularly women, who can and will speak to these issues.

    Mind if I quote you?

    • That’s fine, feel free to link to this and quote me :)

      Have you seen my article ‘Is Chivalry sexist’ ? the Commentors and I have all stated how the feminist attitude and spin annoys us there as well! Under the guise of ‘psychology researchers’ a group of feminists were trying to say that chivalrous behaviour is benevolent sexism – what a load of nonsense! and a total waste of research money, pretending to be scientists to further thier feminist agenda -disgraceful! :/

  6. First of all, thank you for describing my writing as “brilliant” I criticise my own writing to near death so it’s good to hear that from others. It soothes the battered ego.

    Secondly, thank you. I REALLY mean it, for saying what you have said here. I too have been the victim of female violence in my life. I know about the powerlessness men face when confronted by a violent woman. Short of trying to hold her off, there is not much you can do and you cannot do that if you are hit on the head from behind , or bitten as you sleep, as I was, more than once. You can try calling the police. I did. This is how the phone call went. Word for word:

    Me: Hello. I have just been stabbed by my girlfriend.

    Police (P) Stabbed?

    Me. Yes. In the hand. She went for my chest but I got my hand up in time and she stabbed my palm.

    P: What did you do to her to make her react like that?

    Me: (Protracted pause as those words sank into my head) Thanks for your help and concern officer.

    I put the phone down.

    I finally got up courage to speak to my female doctor about the abuse I was suffering. After listening for ten minutes she said:

    “Why are you telling ME this?”

    I replied that had I been a female, by now she would be on the phone to the police. I left her office and changed my doctor the next day.

    And people wonder why men do not report it. Why would they? Who would listen if we did?

    It is bad enough that the media treat these things with little more than an occasional nod towards it. It’s bad enough that if you fight back you will be accused and jailed for abuse. It’s bad enough that feminists have persuaded the police that when called to a “domestic incident” they should arrest the man in all cases and that MP’s have gone along with this nonsense. It’s also bad enough that the entertainment world treat violence against men as funny. What is worse though, is all of those mothers out there who teach little boys that it’s wrong to hit girls and NEVER teach little girls it’s wrong to hit boys. So, guess what happens?

    It’s not rocket science is it!

    Please see my piece entitled “The Anatomy Of Abuse” It’s on the web somewhere.

    Thanks again for writing about this. Every bit of public education on this subject is vitally important.

    George (Just A Man Writing)

    • Thanks George, I can fully understand and believe that what occurred in your call is commonplace – people (even other men) immediately presume a man has ’caused’ any attack by a woman upon himself in some way, it’s disgraceful. I’ll have a look for your piece.

      I raised the issue of women abusing men again today in my post about Clare’s Law. I feel very strongly about the whole situation, feminists are creating a world that I for one am not happy with, under the delusion of ‘equality’ their are suppressing men’s rights more and more and encouraging misandric behaviour amongst naive individuals, fully supported by our government.

      I have just finished writing another piece (unpublished) about discrimination and prejudice – where I have actually described my own prejudices as being against particular groups of women!

      I can only hope that through our blogs we are reaching and educating a few people, small steps towards a better future for all :)

  7. Hey Busy Girl: here is a debate that you might find interesting. http://scienceblogs.com/erv/2011/07/dawkins_coup_de_grace_in_vegas.php

    Here are search keywords for background: Skepchick, Richard Dawkins, ( on youtube), ERV, PZ Meyers, Greg Laden, women in elevators.

    It is basically a HUGE argument that denies women’s violence against men in the thin disguise of “rape fear.” A clever twisting of an issue that started over one comment a feminist had made about being asked up to a mans room for coffee.

  8. To be honest, there are a lot of things I have read in media and blogs that lead me to believe that my stance is more a gender equality one than a feminist one, and is not just a “Down with the men” attitude I see repeated time and time again. I don’t believe sexism is bad for just women, I think it’s bad for both. Gender stereotypes, norms, and sexist attitudes are biased against both the average man and woman. It prohibits development in favor of the status quo. It dictates what we can and can’t do, and allows one sex to get away with offenses that would jail the other one. Even the way the law treats these offenses is biased. Our culture’s position on violence is quite skewed to say the least. Gender norms are as against men doing “stereotypically female” jobs as they are in reverse; however, the later is changing because there is social pressure to do so while the former is not. However, it’s also important to understand that male position in society has only displayed this form of discrimination in this manner in the last century. The approach to gender equality must be two fold both equalizing for both sexes, not just the one perceived to be worthy.

    The old attitudes of sexist in positions of power still exist, and contributes to discrimination in both ways. Women in corporate America are still expected to adopt masculine behaviors, and men in that same scenario who are more passive or perceptually feminine are denied promotion, even relegated to tasks other men are not. The problem lies in sexism and in stereotypical gender roles, and conceptually relates around the concept of femininity and masculinity as well as gender. The problem still is that good old binary proxy of sex, that is at it’s roots the basis of sexism. Male = Manly, Masculine, Attracted to women; while Female = Womanly, Feminine, Attracted to men. Feminine and Masculine have within them their own hidden social meanings, and anytime one trait considered to be “masculine” is inferred others are as well, thus why I refer to them as gender stereotypes. That person looks like a male/masculine, thus A, B, and C must be true, even though no evidence exists to substantiate those traits.

    So when society sees a masculine person being assaulted they infer gender stereotypes which could consist of “abusive, philandering, aggressive, strong, not defenseless”, and instantly justify your inaction on the basis of gender stereotypes, even though the victim may lack the traits you associate with their appearance. It’s this dichotomy that is enforced creates a nature to discriminate against others on the basis of their apparent or perceive gender and gender expression. When I blog I frequently refer to patriarchal practices, but it is because we still live in a partial patriarchy, not because I am somehow against men. The problem is that the sexist men most feminist feel they need to fight against are not the majority of men. It’s generalizations of gender that contribute to this climate, and in general men are fearful to speak out against it, not all but some. I for one, personally, am for people being people but also happening to belong to a gender. People being considered for their own merits, talents and actions not just because they are men or women, this is what we should be for, not for the reversal that some feminist want in their misandrist principles or for the ‘traditional values’ push of the patriarchal fronts.

    • Hi, Thanks for your comment.

      Indeed, stereotypes and gender roles play a huge part in the discrimination and expectations society has of men and women. Sexism is definitely unhealthy for both women and men, I fully agree that equality is a two way street, neither sex is more worthy than the other.

  9. Pingback: What is the difference between prejudice and discrimination? « Day in the life of a Busy Gal…

  10. just want to say that the argument that women are physically weaker than men is bull. every individual varies in physical strength. some women can be strong than certain other males physically. some women can be burly and men can be scrawny.
    i’m surprised that no one else has ever touched upon this.

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