Boundaries have been mentioned to me several times lately and I have been wandering exactly what people are going on about as they are implying that I do not respect boundaries, due to having borderline personality disorder. Now, before the diagnosis no-one had ever suggested to me that I had this problem… So, now I am trying to understand exactly what they mean and ‘if’ it really does apply to me. This is what I have discovered…
Introduction – My Issues
The first time I was accused of not respecting boundaries was when I commented on a blog post, suggesting the author should use more up to date sources for inclusion in a blog, especially considering they were a ‘professional’ mental health counsellor. Now, exactly ‘what’ boundary I had crossed was not explained but it seemed to be related to my being ‘confrontational’ on ‘their’ blog, so I pointed out it was a ‘public’ blog and if they didn’t want people correcting them they should get their facts right, there is far too much misinformation on the Internet without those who should know better adding to it. So, this didnt help me understand boundaries and why/how/if I fail to respect them – I was just labelled as not respecting them due to being open about having BPD…
Next time boundaries were mentioned was at my first therapy session (and subsequently bought up again in my third session). At the first session there was just a hint at boundaries in relation to time-keeping, so in my third session due to me having mentioned the blog discussion boundaries came up again. I gained no further insight into how I may have crossed a boundary in relation to the blog but I think I ‘get it’ a bit now with regard to time-keeping. My problem is I am always early for everything, and by being early if others allow me to ‘get away’ with infringing on their time by (for example) starting my therapy session early they are not enforcing boundaries and encouraging me not to respect them. 4 o’clock means 4 o’clock, if I arrive at 3.45 thats my problem and I will have to wait till 4 to be seen – making, keeping and enforcing a boundary… but you see, I personally dont see my arriving early as ‘pushing a boundary’ I am perfectly happy to wait till my alloted time to be seen. I just ‘have’ to arrive early as I can not abide being late, it triggers immense anxiety if there is even a hint that I will not be ‘on time’ so I have to make sure to be early to avoid this – so much so that all my time keeping devices are set 5 minutes fast.
Okay are you with me so far? Am I demonstrating boundary issues yet???
So that evening I discuss the issue with my fiancée. I state that I am not aware of what boundaries, if any, I cross and that I think this is mainly due to not having had any boundaries ‘set’ for me that I am aware of and just how does this relate to everyday life. Is it fair/right to suggest that just because I have BPD I don’t respect ANY boundaries, surely if that were the case people would have been ‘telling me off’ for crossing boundaries for years now? It’s not like I’m a child who has yet to learn, or am I? How can you respect and not cross a boundary if you do not know one exists?
He decided to use ‘relationship’s’ to demonstrate one way in which I have failed to respect boundaries. In this context flirting with other people is one way not to respect boundaries. I wanted further clarification, as I am naturally an outrageous flirt (BPD?) and no-one has ever told me that there is anything wrong with this before, my former husband used to even ‘encourage’ flirting, crossing the line (the boundary I guess?) would be if you ‘acted’ on this flirtation by kissing someone else (or worse, such as sleeping with them). Now, I am well aware that THIS is a boundary I have crossed, I’m not proud of it, but at the times of my ‘actions’ I felt justified as I felt my own ‘boundaries’ had been crossed by others, or I was not as in ‘control’ of my actions as I should be due to going through BPD crises at the time – no excuse for the behaviour but just a fact.
Ok, so are things becoming any clearer? not really… I guess the reason I am struggling with this concept is this – okay, in certain situations I may have failed to respect ‘given’ boundaries, but these were not ‘laid’ out for me as ‘boundaries’; so how do you know when you have crossed the line if you don’t know where the line is? also, how does this convert from crossing a boundary to you not having respect for ANY boundary???
Defining Boundaries
Time for further clarification, reading is usually the best way for me to gain a better understanding of things…
First, I look at a couple of sources online, Wikipedia ‘personal boundaries‘ as I presume the implication is that it is ‘personal’ boundaries not ‘physical’ boundaries that people are referring to. This provides a definition:
‘Personal Boundaries are guidelines, rules or limits that a person creates to identify for him or herself what are reasonable, safe and permissible ways for other people to behave around him or her and how he or she will respond when someone steps outside those limits.’
It goes on to explain the 4 types of boundary (Soft, Spongy, Rigid & Flexible) and how Narcissts do not recognize boundaries (hmm, a ‘different’ mental health label…) before discussing rebuilding boundaries. Still not enough for me to really understand…
And actually, ‘physical’ boundaries may be just as important as they are a type of ‘personal boundary’ as you can see from the following definitions of the ’3 types of personal boundaries’:
~ Physical boundaries help us determine who may touch us and under what circumstances.
~ Mental boundaries give us the freedom to have our own thoughts and opinions, beliefs, emotion and intuition.
~ Emotional/Spiritual boundaries help us deal with our own emotions and disengage from the harmful, manipulative emotions of others and relate to our self-esteem and sense of identity.Source: BPDFamily.com/Wikipedia
Boundaries and Borderline Personality Disorder
I then searched for ‘Boundaries and Borderline Personality Disorder‘ to specifically address how the issue relates to borderlines…
What I came up with rather than explanations of boundaries was guides for non-bp’s in setting boundaries for the BP in their lives. Helpful? Yes, actually, surprisingly so. I thought I needed to know ‘what’ a boundary was and how/if I don’t respect these but reading about how non-bp’s should set boundaries was actually more useful than textbook definitions of boundaries. I guess it’s because it is more about application in a real world context that ‘fits’ my own dilemmas…?
In ‘The Borderline Dance & the non-borderlines’ dilemma‘ the importance of setting boundaries for your BPD loved one is explained as being an issue of survival. The non-bp needs to decide what their personal limits are with regards to the BP’s behaviour, what they will and won’t tolerate and how they will communicate these ‘boundaries to the BP, along with the way they will deal with attempts to cross these boundaries. It stresses the importance of speaking only of your (the non-bp’s) experience NOT the behaviour of the BP, I interpret this (as it does not explain) as being about explaining why these boundaries are important to you and how it hurts you if they are not respected rather than coming across as a ‘dressing’ down of the BP, treating them like a child or making them feel bad if you put it across in terms that basically scream at the BP “I don’t like your behaviour; you are a bad person; you must not do these things or else!” which is quite easily the way a BP could take it, and even if you are really careful how you put it across you still won’t be able to control the reactions of the BP (which may well be as if you had said it in this mean way, even if you didn’t) because they (we) can’t control our own reactions to what ultimately will feel like ‘bad’ news to us. The post goes on to explain that conflict (or abuse) may ensue from the setting of boundaries and how the non-bp must then consider the ‘future’ of their relationship with the BP – I would like to point out that whilst clearly you don’t want to back-track or relax your boundaries because a BP is distressed by them relationships are about two-way communication, co-operation, compromise and respect, so take time to work together with your BP if they appear uncooperative about your boundaries as it’s not fair to abandon us just because we don’t have the same emotionally capability as you – sometimes we just need extra time to process and understand things before we can accept them…
Another post Do You Have Healthy Boundaries? talks about boundaries in respect of people with BPD having poor judgment of their own boundaries and those of others, with a very good example of ‘drink driving’ to demonstrate how even non-bp’s can have difficulty with boundaries; respecting, setting and keeping them – which was very reassuring to me that understanding boundaries is not just a BPD issue! There is also list of some examples of Boundaries which I found very helpful:
- Demarcation of where you end and another begins and where you begin and another ends.
- Limit or line over which you will not allow anyone to cross because of the negative impact of its being crossed in the past.
- Established set of limits over your physical and emotional well-being which you expect others to respect in their relationship with you.
- Emotional and physical space you need in order to be the real you without the pressure from others to be something that you are not.
- Healthy emotional and physical distance you can maintain between you and another so that you do not become overly enmeshed and/or dependent.
- Balanced emotional and physical limits set on interacting with another so that you can achieve an interdependent relationship of independent beings who do not lose their personal identity, uniqueness and autonomy in the process.
- Set of parameters which make you a unique, autonomous and free individual who has the freedom to be a creative, original, idiosyncratic problem solver.
Source: BPDfamily.blogspot.com
This post linked to a forum discussion about boundaries and BPD where it was quoted that:
… boundaries are a commitment to myself – not an attempt to change or control another person.
Source: BPDfamily.blogspot.com
I think this is a very important message both for those with BPD and non-BP’s!
Conclusion
As result of this research I think I understand better what a boundary is and why they are important, but I still need to understand this topic further. As a result I am going to continue this discussion after I have read some more of my BPD books, including Stop walking on Eggshells, the BPD Survival Guide, Sometimes I act Crazy and Women and Borderline Personality Disorder amongst others (I have quite a library built up but need to read them all now!). I will publish a ‘revisited’ post on Boundaries and BPD once I have completed my readings, until then I hope this post has been a helpful introduction to the issue 
Thank you for reading! If you have enjoyed reading this post please share it with others who may be interested and I always enjoy receiving feedback and comments
Related articles
- 10 Myths about Borderline Personality Disorder Dispelled (showard76.wordpress.com)
- What is Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)? (showard76.wordpress.com)
- Borderline personality disorder: 8 dangerous myths (cbsnews.com)
- Pscyhotherapy – My first therapy session (showard76.wordpress.com)
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I am SO like you in regards to noticing someone who is a professional having incorrect or out-dated material on their site, but mine is when they have SPELLING ERRORS!! I have written random people w/corrections (spent hours rewriting their error-filled columns) on the web & even people like our financial planner who has an official looking brochure made up but has the word “effect” instead of “affect” so I called him & left him a message telling him! My husband was horrified!!
I would want to know as I think it makes you look inept to have words misspelled!
One therapist I went to for the first time had her thesis bound in the waiting room & I was reading it while waiting (I’m an early bird, too) & found a spelling error in it!! I was appalled & decided at that point that she was totally unqualified (a little black & white/all or nothing thinking there??). This was before DBT & I never returned to her. I thought if she can make an error on her Ph.D. thesis what other errors is she making?
I recently went on an “intake” for a new DBT group therapist (been looking for a new group since my other therapist retired 2 yrs. ago & no, not because of me–I don’t think!!) & she emailed me forms to fill out in advance & to bring w/me. ERRORS on them that were so distracting so I called her office & talked to the receptionist & asked her to ask the therapist if the therapist would be insulted if I pointed out the spelling errors!! (Therapist said, “No.” Good sign!)
I guess that is getting better in a way (asking permission before I correct them). My main boundary issue is doing too much for people & then I “train” them to expect me to rewrite their resumes; find networking options when they’ve lost their jobs; even buy them books on job-hunting subjects, etc. Then I get resentful like on one occasion I asked a friend I was practically doing her whole job search for (& sending her money w/out my husband’s knowledge; he would have hit the ceiling) & one day I asked her what she was doing & she told me she was watching a movie! What!! Watching a movie? I didn’t have time to watch a movie as I was doing all this research to help her find a new job!!
And so I “train” people to ask me to do them all kinds of favors & I can’t say “No” without giving elaborate excuses which they then explain how I can still do what they want me to do even IF I am going on a moon launch on that particular day!
My retired DBT therapist told me “‘No’ is a complete sentence.” She said I could say, “No, sorry.” But absolutely no excuses as people have me figured out & know how to “break” me & they do! I had a mental breakdown by not being able to stick to my guns about not teaching a particular class during a time when I had had a terrible relapse (a class for those w/mental illnesses & part of the class is learning to “take care of yourself” which I was attempting to do–but this lady who was on the Board of this national organization w/me would not back down & badgered me so I finally taught the 9-week class & it sent me over the edge).
Afterwards I dropped off the Board, quit teaching all classes & “divulged” to her that I had had a recent suicide attempt & that is why I wasn’t wanting to teach the class. I was so angry at her pushing me into teaching the class & “making” me tell her about my suicide attempt (I wanted to keep that private). There were judges, therapists, professionals, CEO’s on that Board & I doubt she would have badgered them the way she did me. If the judge said “No”, I think she would have accepted that! But from me, it was not enough & she was going to get what she wanted from me, but it blew up in her face at the end as she “lost” me from ever teaching again & I dropped off the Board.
My husband says I’m too nice. He says for me to “act rude” as that is everyone else’s normal “nice.” My daughter even as a youngster told me, “Mom, you don’t have friends. You collect misfits!” From the mouths of babes! I did collect people I could save/help/be taken advantage of by!!
No wonder I have no “friends”, but only therapists!
Luckily, my kids have turned out well & my husband has unbelievably stayed w/me. He finds me entertaining.
Great comment Suzanne – a clear example of how us BP’s have difficulties with setting and keeping our own boundaries, let alone recognising the boundaries of others!
I also hate spelling errors, but I spend so much time staring at this screen I know typos and spelling errors must be common in my writing as I get ‘blind’ to them when reading my own work (I hate that as I strive for perfection in everything!). If/when I notice or it is pointed out (though people rarely do this!) I do go back and correct, but sometimes this is too late – a bad impression has already been made for those who have already read the uncorrected piece
I have shared your DBT piece
It is true that your own brain “self-corrects” the errors as you know what you mean! That’s why it it so easy to see the errors in another person’s writing, but not your own! My own writing contains errors & it makes me so angry when I do finally see them!
I remember one time reading the release form before getting a flu shot & in the body of the form was the date 10 years previous. I asked the nurse if they were going to correct the date & she said I was the first person who had read the form in 10 years as no one had noticed that the date was even in the body of the form, much less incorrectly!
oh my god thank you for this. you have no idea how you saved my life tonight. actually, quite literally… my sister (who i’ve never been particularly close to but has watched and waited quietly and without judgement while chaos took over my life). she just watched me get un-friended by my best friend of 15 years and the person that has the most difficulty accepting me for what i have always been. Me. the label had made me “unacceptable, embarassing” and has caused her to “need therapy herself” – per my 16 year old (who suddently knows what emancipation means) being told how i have really destroyed my entire family and hurt everyone of them) while helping her aunt decorate her christmas tree in a visit over the school break. my daughter doesn’t speak to me now. on christmas day she publically disowned me.
I hadn’t been invited to, received a christmas card from or even sent a text wishing me a happy holiday from a single person family or otherwise…even tho for the last at least 10 years i held every holiday at my house with a minimum of two lavishly decorated christmas trees, a house you could see lit from outer space and a feast that i couldn’t afford to feed, but I loved the appreciation i received every year.
Christmas wasn’t on the calendar this year for the crazy. apparently they thought that forgetting major holidays is another symptom that i have either exhibited or dramatically acted out for them in the past (there is one theory that i am doing this on purpose). apparently enjoying the constant med changes, suicidal ideation and prolonged uninsured hospital stays…
Again,i tend to rant when i write getting stuff out and you will now be a victim of something you do understand, but i am still not sure if you need every detail or not… cause no one ever responds with a nod or uh-huh when i type and i’ve written many an explanation that were heartfelt and completely the correct words that would turn everything around and i receive…. crickets…… so i just keep typing and explaining why if feel this or this hurt me or on and on trying a different angle that would help them understand… but ….i wonder why they don’t read or respond… god forbid someone encourage this outlandish behavior.
ok my only child, she very publicly said that everything i say is a lie and used several phrases that were curiously also used by… yes, her aunt and the worst best friend that any bpd could have. outing not only my marital and family problems, but clearing up for anyone who wanted to know–my struggles with mental illness. i am honest to a fault as well, but no one else seems to care about what is true in my experience while they freely fill in any blanks they have with with out and out gossip and things that could maybe possibly be true but they have no idea….. so my older sister posted this after watching my youngest sister decide to delete from her life.
she probably thought i was asleep, but she posted this on her page, asking for anyone who has experience with this to please contact her. she’s trying so hard to understand and i hadn’t acknowledged her stoic diplomacy. i thanked her and let her know (privately of course-never wanted people in my business) or to cause drama in anyway, but why look to the past for truth in behavior rather than the symptom list that they can apply to every comment i have ever made since i was diagnosed and actually thought telling them would bring everyone closer to help me fight the good fight. what a story i believed about how families work. silly girl. in actuality, very few people have been “filled in” by me personally about what i’ve been dealing with, yet everyone knows one version or another and i find that i am often being “monitored” by loved one looking for a mood swing so they can call the other loved one and spend an hour on the phone shaking their head enraged at what must surely be an act.
, therefore most people who know about my issues were invited in by close family members “in the know” that i have spoken to less than 5 times in the last two years.
anyway, i digress, my sister just posted this on facebook. she had been a witness to yet another close friend (actually my youngest sister and old best friend) deleting me from facebook. (none of this is done publicly.) nothing personal ever has been done publicly. it makes me extremely uncomfortable to appear “flawed” and always has ever since the mother who was up fighting with my drunk father all night put me in perfect jumpers with turtle necks and leotards and braided pigtail with matching ribbons so the neighbors and school wouldn’t jump to any unnecessary “conclusions” about our family., it’s actually done as private message updates now and then to check in– even tho no one responds or give a shit) it makes me feel responsible to let them know how life is and what i’m doing to get better so maybe they will ‘get it’ and help a girl out….
i have lost everyone in my life, even my husband of 20 yearswho my daughter stayed with when i was forced out of the house by just plain disregard and criticism. after 4 years of that, alone finally was less scary and dangerous than staying with my husband. this beautiful 16 year old gave up on me on Christmas night. btw, when i was “supported” by people i had a 16 year string symptom free. a bit of depression issues which a new med or dosage would control. as i write, i’m sitting completely alone in the apartment i had to rent even tho everyone knows i’m not good at just being with me. my self-belief/talks are vicious and untrue i am very able to recognize that. but also very persisten and loud, fast and relentless. my therapy is an hour a week of venting and by the next evening i need more hours than the month provides, but have no insurance so i can’t.
i try to stay private, and have always isolated myself. i have nearly 800 facebook friends. and yes, i personally know all but a handful, if i walked into a bar 20 people would hug me. but if i get so lonely and depressed that i post something slightly, but certainly cause for concern or a “just checking in” type thing… crickets.
i am told by my closes friends and husband that i need to get better before i stop being punished by them. my therapist tells me to reach out. i’ve been trying frantically to do those things and i literally am belittled and rejected and wind up in the e.r. scared that i can’t take it for another minute alone. just to be sent home a few hours later… now i’m terrified to leave my apartment during “regular hours” which promted a huge she’s on drug conspiracy that i had to defend myself against. only to have family members join in and tell people how sick i am and how i am really fucking my whole family over with my “behavior” which i also call honesty… i would want someone to tell me if i looked like an idiot, slut or snob. seriously, i would.
but i can’t beg anyone to tell me why i am so different. why does a label give me symptoms i don’t have? or am i so nuts that i can’t recognize them in myself. i feel constantly attacked and just ask for more if i try to defend myself and then next thing i know i’m hysterical because i’m not sure if i have the right address for the internet service and my sister has the same one, but needs me to calm down and she’ll talk to me then… meanwhile, my online dbt group, all outside communication other than a cell phone that literally only my ex and mom (twice) have called. so, the internet is what i have. and i’m not allowed to use it til i calm down. meanwhile the silence, anxiety, confusion and my own brain make me crazier. don’t dare go out with eyes cried swollen, to dare running into someone who knew me when i was “sane” and risk the visual effects of anxiety and what appears to be no bra and makeup and a ratted ponytail, because i had procrastinated the trip for so long i had no choice but to go at the last minute or risk having no entertainment or “fair-weather facebook friends” to distract me from myself and give me a bit of comfort that some of them must not have been “informed” and have neither treated me differently or asked about my personality flaws that are blaring to everyone i love.
so, thank you for making me feel a bit normal. i wish i could put all of you in my pockets right now, but i rarely wear pants without elastic. lol i’m trying to save up money to move to a place where bpd doesn’t have to be a precursor to deciding if you like me for who i am or what they call me. cuz i’m a very kind, anonymous act of kindness, well educated, and spiritual;soul that has learned that i love more and hurt more than anyone else i know. and if they felt my feelings they would never speak to me again… they are cruel and i’m not important enough to be someone that they they miss, because they won’t read or educate themselves.
i can’t explain enough, write enough, send enough links, song lyric snippets, poems, videos -or anything else enough for them to understand, but they bitch about the bombardment of emails. so what do i do. sit here until i’m completely invisible. if i didn’t beg for them to help me no one would and it makes me feel pathetic and strips me of everything good that i still like about myself when i have to. the lower myself to grovel or eat crow so someone will talk me down, tell me that more ativan won’t make me sleep longer, but forever, to give me one reason why i should try tomorrow out. instead it winds up with me needy and desperate while they hang up and take the phone off the hook. and they have no idea that this is the surest way to kill me.
i have to lower myself to to beg my ex for a hug when he has treated me horribly. but i just need a hug and hell show up if i cry hard enough. and its hard to swallow. you know. i can’t be calm alone. alone i can’t be calm. so i sit here and listen to my ego lie and attack me and argue with that alot and i lose time. but i’m not sure what else i can do. i’m self helping and learning and trying for hours to do the things that are “good” for me to do per every counselor that ever existed so i can get well enough for a support system to majically form around me… but alas… how do i know when i am making progress when no one can tell me that and assumes i am viciously trying to manipulate them because i sent a text asking them if i could use them for an emergency contact?
sorry for the punctuation/spelling, but if i edit this, it will be 10 times longer and frankly i’m too tired to care. thanks again.l wish i could send this as a link to my family because this is HUGE for me… but they stopped reading them months ago. so the tough love method that makes me feel like a dying 2 year old continues…
btw, if you don’t have bpd, but you love one of us. do anything you can to be there. anything. your leaving might be the last hope for someone to count on. don’t give up on us. we’re difficult to love, but when we feel loved and supported we are everything that you miss about who we were. we’re people with a diagnosis. we are not a diagnosis. and we’re scared to death that you’ll leave too.
wow, I don’t know where to begin, as I read through that I was sat here nodding away and going ‘yeah been there’ ‘Know that feeling’ I can completely say I understand everything you have and are going through and the turmoil and desperation of it all is so clear in how everything has just spilled out in your words, unedited just letting it all out. Thank you so much for sharing, I’m sure many of my readers will also be nodding in agreement with what you say as they read this. My own best friend of 30 years recently disowned me, yet strangely it is linked to me getting better from my BPD rather than the BPD behaviour – it appears she doesn’t like me now that I am stronger, independent and no longer someone others can control and manipulate – guess really it says a lot more about what kind of person she is and was than it does about me! lol
I truly hope you manage to find some peace, support and recovery. I have deleted a huge number of ‘fair-weather’ acquaintances off Facebook, these people are not worth considering as ‘friends’. Best Wishes and thank you again for sharing
Sharon xx
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Suzanne, it was SO refreshing to read your reply. I thought I was the only one who was anal retentive enough to point out common grammatical errors. I, like you, very truly believe that well-educated professionals should be able to proof read their own work and not leave out things like commas, hyphens, quotes, or know when to start a new paragraph. The concept of splitting is entirely why I refuse to see a therapist, even though I’m 99% sure I am a “borderline”. (Quotes!! Used correctly!!) My late teens and early twenties exemplify nearly all of the symptoms listed in a textbook fashion. However, the thought of another imperfect human being who has no idea who I am and retains an entirely different set of experiences than my own giving me advice makes me want to twitch. And the thought of paying them lots of money to do this makes me put my hands up and say “Nope! Go away bad thoughts!”
It’s true that Borderlines aren’t able to regulate emotion as well as the average schmo. However, one thing that has greatly helped me improve and even prevent dysphoric moods is running. I run everyday for my sanity. Not a lot, just under two miles as my knees suck, but it’s enough to get the endorphins going and set me right for another 24 hours. Also, yoga and meditation have also helped. I don’t believe in a god and I am not religious, so all that mumbo jumbo about “connecting to the heavens” isn’t for me – so I imagine that I’m floating out in space somewhere and nobody can bother me! It’s the greatest thing ever!! =D
While Borderlines may upset quite a few people because of our ability to be hyper critical, I actually enjoy this aspect of the condition. My father is a life long student of engineering and science and greatly emphasized the need to think critically AND creatively in order to solve problems, and that no piece of information is too small to be included in what he calls “the big picture”. It is true that I could be nicer in my observations of others and I essentially view them as weak for being unprepared or not thinking out all options of a scenario. However, I am very adept at dissecting arguments and solving problems. I love that about myself, and if it’s the Borderline in me that causes it, well, I see no need to medicate. I can just work on not being a horrific meany.
Actually, growing up I was always too nice and recently something snapped and I became a little confrontational. Gotta find the happy medium between the two! 
Thanks for the comment Mona, I hope Suzanne sees it
I agree that some of my Borderline tendencies have been beneficial to my studies. I would love to e able to exercise more to help myself, but due to a variety of leg and joint problems I had to stop running, pretty much the only form of exercise I am now capable of is swimming (which I detest, and am also not very good at), so I don’t see me taking that on any time soon
I really like your clarity on what doesn’t work for you and I understand why because we have BPD in our family. Unfortunately, the labels always get in the way of real empathy and understanding. If you are interested in reading more about boundaries, I have included suggested reading in my chapter on boundaries in my book entitled Compassion for Annie. Please let me know if you find it helpful.
Thank you Marilyn, I would love to put all my work together as a book eventually myself. I will be sure to check out your book
Great article. I don’t have BPD but I do have a history of abuse and so I never knew about boundaries until I starting my own therapy and became a therapist!!! Now I live in Egypt where people don’t have the first idea what a boundary is, unless you take one foot of their land when you harvest the sugarcane. Then they enforce it with the use of guns!!! Men’s boundaries around women are nearly non-existent and emotional dysfunction is the order of the day.Manipulation, emotional blackmail, passive aggressive and aggressive behavior is the norm. It can be a nightmare. Maintaining my own boundaries here is a constant challenge but a great learning!!!
Its good to read about other people’s experiences so thank you for your very interesting article!!!
Thank you, I’m glad you found my article interesting, I still struggle with boundaries I guess my ‘free bird’ attitude makes me too open and receptive in many ways when I should be a bit more closed off. I can understand what you mean about boundaries being more real and enforceable when it comes to material and practical things such as the sugarcane. I see a lot of that here too (although probably not to the same levels?) People seem much more ready to exert their dislike of others crossing boundaries when it comes to property than on a personal level, I guess more people have ‘issues’ than we like to believe?