Regrets? I have only one…


regret. nothing.

regret. nothing. (Photo credit: Ed Yourdon)

Regrets, nearly everyone has them, lots of them. People spend so much time dwelling on what if’s and what could have been, if only they had made a different choice. Regretting choices, mistakes and even things that happen that were outside of your control.

I’ve never really understood this, as the title to this post states, regrets I only have one and that one regret is something that realistically I shouldn’t regret either, because I was too young to understand the consequences of the decision I made at that time…

Before I tell you about that one regret let’s have a look at a few big life altering situations that I don’t regret…

First and probably the biggest is my relationship with my husband, I don’t regret a single day of the time we were together, from when I was 16 until I was 32. I must have loved him or I would never have been with him so long. But I also don’t regret leaving him when I no longer felt that way. We had 16 years of ups and downs, highs and lows, good and bad. Being with him gave me the best things in my life, my two wonderful children. It also gave me some pretty bad memories and difficult times, and close to the end it made me so ill (mental health wise) I almost didn’t make it out alive. When I finally realised I couldn’t live that way any longer I made the very difficult decision to leave a man who who had a brain tumour, and the consequences of that decision were massive, especially as he died just four months later, but despite all the crap that came about as a result of my choice to leave I don’t regret it at all. I only feel sorry for the people, his family and friends,  who couldn’t see past their own grief, guilt and hatred of me for leaving him and his subsequent death (I was now a murdering black widow, the brain tumour he’s lived with for 11 years didn’t kill him – I did!?) that they punished my children – his children – by disowning us all. Pity those people, they I am sure have many regrets!

The second big choice that I don’t regret would be dumping my best friend at the same time I left my husband, she had proved that 30 years of friendship meant nothing by the way she stabbed me in the back and colluded with others to try and make my life hell, before I left my husband, when I was suffering severely with what I now I know was a BPD crisis but at the time thought was severe depression. Her vindictive, nasty attacks and attempts to cause trouble for me continued past my husbands funeral. I have not spoken to this girl since, and never will again. I have no reason to, she was not a true friend and I don’t need people that twisted and narcissistic in my life!

In general terms I have no regrets regarding the people I have met and those I have walked away from, those I have loved and lost, the relationships I have had be they intimate, platonic or something else.

I don’t regret the places I have been and those I have stayed away from, theres plenty of places I would like to go but theres plenty of time to do that! and if I don’t I won’t regret it cause there will be good reasons I have not been able to!

Overall I don’t regret any choice, or decision I have made, I’ve made wrong choices and wrong decisions but I see those as mistakes to learn and grow from, not things to regret!

And so, the one regret I really do have…

I regret not taking the grammer school entrance exam when I was 10 years old – if I had taken that exam my life may have gone on such a different course that everything else I have ever done may not have even occurred at all. However, not taking that exam was not exactly something a 10 year old child has the knowledge to understand what a difference it could make to her life should she pass the exam and go to grammer school! So, even though I regret it and it is the one thing I can never push aside because I see so clearly how much of an impact it could have made to my life it really is something I should let go because I was not the only one who made that decision, my parents and teachers were as much if not more important in that situation as my guidance and role models, it should have been their responsibility to encourage me more, maybe even push me a little, rather than just simply taking my childish, 10 year old opinion that ‘I wanted to go to the school my friends were going to’ as being the most important thing – they knew better, I did not! and boy was going to the same senior school as my friends a huge mistake! The biggest mistake of my life, but even that I don’t regret, only the decision that led me to end up there…

What regrets do you have?

Are there things you don’t regret despite the consequences they had?

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5 comments on “Regrets? I have only one…

  1. What a beautiful blog post! And while I can understand your regret about not taking the exam when you were 10, I think that you wouldn’t be who you are today if your life took a different route and you didn’t go through all of the experiences you’ve been through. Your story and your attitude and perspective on your experiences are truly inspirational. Thank you for sharing. :)

  2. Pingback: Don't Regret the Past | Jonathan Hilton

  3. “Overall I don’t regret any choice, or decision I have made, I’ve made wrong choices and wrong decisions but I see those as mistakes to learn and grow from, not things to regret!” That is the best positive way to deal with life.That was the advise on my blog post of last week about choices and decisions!

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