Recovering from BPD – Self-sabotage and heading for another crisis

BPD Objects (Photo credit: Vinally2010)

I was doing well, my recovery from BPD was progressing, so I told myself, but recently I noticed that something wasn’t quite ‘right’ and as usual identifying what exactly was wrong was hard.

I think I may have been lying to myself for a while, I think I may have been masking again. Falling apart inside, outside appearing to be doing well. I think I am self-sabotaging…

I have been slowly picking at trying to work out exactly why I am slipping off the recovery tracks and what has caused this, then yesterday I was replying to an email I had received from someone about BPD and as I wrote my own situation started spilling out and I had a realisation about what is going wrong and why…

This is what I wrote in that email (details of the other person not included)…

My life… A portrait in fiction

Post apocalyptic city.
Picture Credit – http://www.wallpaperasylum.com/post-apocalyptic-city-desktop-wallpaper/

She stumbles and falls… she picks herself up, dusts herself off and continues ploughing forward. Steady determination but heavy heart and tear streaked face.

Still alive! and back from Holiday early

The Walls of Dubrovnik with the Minčeta Tower. Dubrovnik is the capitol of the Dubrovnik–Neretva County, in Croatia. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Yes, I am still alive and kicking, here and well…

I was on holiday this week, I say was because I came back early, I’ll explain that in a moment. First I just wanted to apologize for the emptiness of my blog of late, I cannot and will not promise that there will be a return to daily posts as my life just does not feel like it is moving that way currently, but for now I am here and will post as/when I have something to say/share. 

Life Values

I have been following Michele Taylor’s 12 day’s of Christmas posts (well playing catch up really, as I haven’t been able to work through each post’s tasks as they were published)

So, after reading day’s 1 and 2 I sat down with my list of values and started work…

Journal Entry – A Day in the life of ME!

Image via Wikipedia

I was reading Stephs blog post Steps for a simpler New Year the other day and it inspired me to keep a journal of my day to discover how much down time I actually have in a day (or to me how much time I waste doing nothing in particular). I may have chose the wrong day to do my first entry – Monday 2nd January; a bank holiday. Bank Holidays are supposed to be downtime days really anyway, aren’t they?

Anyway here is my day – apologies it is quite long! lol…