To the outside world Sarah is a happily married mother of two; with long black hair and milky white skin, she has a unique style. Pretty without being too flashy and always a smile on her face, but her smile hides what her eyes cannot. If you look carefully into the blue haze you can see sadness. To meet Sarah you would not believe the loneliness that encompasses her, threatening to shatter her heart. Sarah hides the emptiness with a proud and confident mask, a smart and successful woman. For all intents and purposes she would have you believe that despite her burdens she is content with her lot and for the best part this is true. She dearly loves her family and they love her too, but a person needs more than this to not feel alone.
This evening however, she stands beneath the dusky glow of a waning moon looking out across a balcony. A fountain of water spurts below from a pedestal of mermaids in the hotel forecourt. The clouds have merged as one solitary being matching her mood, alone under a frightful sky. Hot tears stain her cheeks with black streaks. Behind her the bar is emptying, like her heart, as the patrons move within to watch the show on the upper floor. An hour has passed already since the time they were due to meet, a birthday outing with the girls to celebrate her thirtieth. Yet here she stands as alone as she often feels even in the most crowded room. Not one of her friends has turned up, some had made their excuses before hand but others were crueler letting her believe they would join her. While not within her control the burden of her husbands life threatening personality changing condition has created a retreat from her by others, as much as it has from him and his aggressive tendencies, even the closest of friends and family could bare it no more, leaving Sarah alone to cope with the weight of it all. Even the moon appears to be mocking her as the chinks fall from her superficial armor. Like the clouds above her heavy with rain, loneliness is a mood that follows Sarah daily, waiting to burst..
This loneliness is Sarah’s curse. If they even bothered to turn up tonight they would not realise the role they played in making her feel so alone. This was the reason she busied herself so entirely each day. So busy she even had to book in time on her calendar to play with her children, all this to try to escape and cover up the loneliness by avoiding further human contact – the fear of even more rejection too much for her to contemplate. Sarah believes that another other reason for the distance some keep from her is a mixture of jealousy and fear of her personal successes, but even if this is true it does not excuse their hurtful behaviour, she has forgiven them too many times. Sarah’s lively, friendly appearance portrays the kind of person you would expect to be surrounded by close, caring friends, when in fact the opposite is true. They only get in touch when they want something and despite their behaviour Sarah is always there for them, no matter the problem. Eventually the storm will break and Sarah’s spirit will be broken beyond repair but until that day she carries on and nobody notices, nobody cares.
Her husband and children waiting for her and the mask will be back in place to extol them with tales of her wonderful evening. To ensure they do not wonder why she is home so soon, she will stroll home slowly rather than get a taxi, making sure to stop along the way to repair the tear stained cheeks. So as the doors close and the show begins and Sarah heads for home, alone.