Mental Health Mondays…Mr Know it All


Source: Sigillium Deviantrt.com

So to try and maintain a positive regular ‘mental health’ contribution on my blog following last weeks post I’ve decided to make Mondays ‘Mental Health Monday’ each week. I will feature a post on mental health every Monday, it will either be about my own situation, sharing information, based on news or even a guest post, what ever comes up/takes my fancy really. This doesn’t mean I will ‘only’ post mental health topics on Mondays, if/when I have other stuff to share I may post additional mental health stuff on other days too, it’s just that Monday will always have a mental health theme…

Okay so that said, why have I given the extra title of ‘Mr Know it all’ to this post? what has it got to do with mental health?

Well I’ve taken that from a song title – Kelly Clarkson’s ‘Mr Know it All’

As you may have noticed in some of my other posts, music is a huge part of my life and songs are always screaming out their relevance to me! and that is the point with this one, my personal mental health and using music to express how I feel, what I think…

Last weekend (not yesterday, I write so far in advance this post was written on 16th October) I was feeling really low as I was reaching a point of struggling with my lack of a social life after all the trouble with the pool team made me withdraw, become reclusive and totally give up on mixing with ‘real-life’ people. I actually posted on Twitter “Sharon Howard is a ‘social’ creature , who has no ‘social life’ only ‘social media” and on Facebook “Fuck, I need a life”. You see I have not gone out socially or spoken face-to face with barely a sole since I stopped going to the pub almost a month earlier – and I really am a very sociable person, being a reclusive, hermit really does not suit my nature at all.

But in addition to feeling like this I had heard the ‘Mr Know it all’ song several times and just kept thinking how no-one knows a thing about me… This might sound like a bit of a stupid statement if you read my blogs regularly as you would think that you and many other people know a HUGE amount about me, some might even say I share TOO much of myself, that I am an open book – I bare my depths openly online for the whole world to see, enjoy, criticise, cry over blah, blah, blah whatever if anyone actually really reads more than the first paragraph anyway! lmao (sorry to those of you that do, but you know how fickle and fake a lot of people are, they read the first paragraph and skim to the last paragraph because they can’t be bothered to read my often very lengthy posts!) Damn even my fiance (when I ask him to proof read the occasional post) will often say “err, I can’t read all that! It’s too long” pah! Maybe if he bothered to read a few more of the things I write he might know me a  bit better…?

So, how does this mean no-one knows a thing about me? well that is how I feel, it may not be the absolute truth of the matter, I’m sure that some people do know stuff about me, but I don’t think anyone ‘really’ knows me – and this isn’t just a selfish self-absorbed opinion, I think it is the same for many of us, people only know as much as we allow them to and then only what they take in, absorb and ‘want’ to know from what we lay out for them. I may be an ‘open book’ but there’s not many can read between the lines and see that which no-one else sees!thus as the lyrics of the songs say “you think you know it all…but you don’t know a thing about me” and “When somebody tells you something bout you, Think that they know you more than you do, So you take it down another pill to swallow”

People always seem to think they know so much but what do they really know? and how can they really know me, when even I don’t?! I change my mind like the flick of a switch, I’m a chameleon, a different person to different people, they see what they want to see or what I allow them to see, but what lies beneath?

I tell people what I want, what I need, what is hurting me, why I am upset and they sympathise, empathise, offer help, support or whatever, but does anything change? they do what they think needs to be done at that moment in time to satisfy me, shut me up.. whatever, but then its all the same – did they even really listen, care? hmmm

The only one expected to change is me, as if I don’t change enough already, bending and flexing, moulding to suit and satisfy what they want, need, expect… What about me?! When do I get to be me? when will they change for me?

Mr know it all
Well ya think you know it all
But ya don’t know a thing at all
Yeah baby you don’t know a thing about me
You don’t know a thing about me…

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2 comments on “Mental Health Mondays…Mr Know it All

  1. You should always try to do your best to be you. I struggled with this for years – probably the biggest reason I am an alcoholic (sober 5+ years).

    In the end, the only thing that matters is how you feel about yourself. People pleasing leads to resentment.

    And biggest of all: No one is going to change for you… and you shouldn’t change for anyone else.

    Thought provoking post.

    Darlene

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