I know that it is not just down to having Borderline Personality Disorder that I have this problem, I know that people who don’t have BPD also have this problem.
The problem is the inability to accept compliments.
Many people, like myself, have difficulty accepting compliments, we don’t believe ourselves worthy for a variety of reasons including but not limited to…
- Low self-esteem
- Negative self-image
- lack of self-belief
- Having been ‘put-down’ too often in the past
and so on…
So what are some of the lovely, great things people say about me? and why do I not believe them?
1. You are an amazing woman
I hear this a lot, especially lately. Most often it comes in emails from around the world, people I have never met who have read my blog posts about BPD and just want to thank me for how much what I say has helped them and how ‘amazing’ they think I am for having the courage to share some very difficult feelings and experiences.
I struggle with this one as I really can not see how I am in any way ‘amazing’. I just write things the way I see them, I hope it will help people but have no real expectations of that. Lot’s of other people do the same, I read lot’s of great blogs about BPD and mental health myself and see lot’s of amazing women sharing amazing stories above and beyond my own. Why am I amazing? I don’t get it…
2. You are beautiful
Again, I hear this from guys and girls, people who know me, people who don’t, people who have only seen a picture of me.
I guess this one is a poor self-image thing. I don’t see a beautiful woman when I look in the mirror, I see imperfect skin, flaws and scars, flab and a million things that could be so much ‘better’. Occasionally I do feel attractive, but most of the time I don’t, and when I see other women who I think are beautiful all I can do is highlight how much better they are than me in every way.
3. You are clever
Okay, so with this one I can see how people get that idea, I have a lot of qualifications and my grades are always ‘good’ but still I’m no rocket scientist, or Doctor and I’m certainly not a ‘straight A’ student.
I make stupid choices and decisions, I mess up big time. I don’t have a job or career. What use is being clever if you do not put those talents into anything beneficial?
4. You deserve better
This one is usually in reference to a situation I am in with a certain guy, what our ‘relationship’ really is I’m not sure either of us knows and at times things are very volatile. He has actually been the subject of a number of my posts about the troubles between us, but there is more than that which is not really described so much in my factual posts, instead tending to come out in my fiction work – as often that is the way it feels, unreal. But generally people think I deserve so much more than this guy who is unwilling/unable to commit to me in any way, who causes/gets me into trouble and is in a lot of people’s opinion a ‘dickhead’.
The thing is not only do I just have a ‘thing’ for this guy that has been called everything from lust to love, obsession to chemistry but I really do not see how I deserve anything better than what we have now, even with him. If anything I feel that everyone else deserves better than ‘me’. I’ve cheated in relationships, I don’t have a job, I spend too much time in the pub (although not drinking most of the time) and I’m just generally a waster, why do I deserve a ‘better’ guy with a good job/career, security and ‘love’? What do I have to offer in return? Not a lot!
5. You have lots of talents
I have received praise for lots of things, my writing, my art, my crafts, my singing, my dancing, playing pool and so on. People urge me to ‘do’ more with my many ‘skills and talents’. They think I could be successful at many things from the above list and in relation to my qualifications, social media skills and so on people tell me I should set up my own business doing any number of these things. People come to me for tips and advise on things they know I have knowledge or experience in, and even for things they just ‘hope’ I might know.
The way I see this one though is that I am ‘good’ at lots of things, but that is all – jack of all trades master of none. I don’t see anything that I excel in, I haven’t found my ‘calling’ and I don’t have the confidence or self-belief to pull off anything special with any of the things I can do – because I don’t believe I am good enough at any of them. I always see people who can do better than me at any of the things I do. I don’t want to let people down by not doing a good enough job of something. If I do give any help, tips or advice I always add the disclaimer that ” ‘I’m no expert’ so double-check everything I suggest, and I’m only helping because you asked not because I think I know, or am right”. For example, when I sing in private I know it sounds good (but not great), as soon as I have to do it in front of people my nerves are so bad that I sound like a strangled cat, shake like a leaf, and cannot look, I have to keep my eyes closed. The same happens with anything else, my confidence, anxiety and paranoia destroy any real ability, so it never goes as well as it would if I was doing it privately and unseen.
There you have it, the crux of my poor self-esteem, self-belief and lack of confidence in anything laid before you in all its glory.
What do you think?
Do you have the same issues?
Do you know anyway I can make myself believe these things?
- Changing Self Image – Hair, Fashion,Tattoo’s and piercings – A BPD perspective. (showard76.wordpress.com)
- A Fatal Attraction – Borderline Personality Disorder in the Movies (showard76.wordpress.com)
- Book Review – Girl in Need of a Tourniquet by Merri Lisa Johnson (showard76.wordpress.com)
- A BPD extreme cry for help – Rage, Anger, Splitting and Panic (or Getting into a pub brawl and a night in the police cells) (showard76.wordpress.com)
- You know you’re a Borderline when… – 10 signs you have BPD (showard76.wordpress.com)
- What happens when a person with BPD ends a relationship (showard76.wordpress.com)
- Working With Borderline Personality Disorder – Dr Joseph Burgo (twim-blog.org)
- Healing Received (svdbygrcty.wordpress.com)
- Borderline Personality Disorder- Criteria and Me (bipolarmuse.com)
- Borderline Personality Disorder (allaboutcounseling.com)
- BPD Misconceptions (authorjaenwirefly.wordpress.com)
- What is borderline personality disorder? (halfwaybetweenthegutter.wordpress.com)
- Borderline Personality Disorder (neumannpsychology.wordpress.com)
- Reading about Borderline Personality Disorder (fiercelinguist.wordpress.com)
- Realizing some things while doing research… (carlarenee45.wordpress.com)
- Borderline Personality Disorder (tazromagna.wordpress.com)
- This Week in Mentalists – Creeping Hashtags Edition (twim-blog.org)
- Living with Borderline Personality Disorder (expatlogue.wordpress.com)
- Melting Point (brokenlightcollective.wordpress.com)
- Big Question of the Day (hawkruh1.wordpress.com)
- Borderline Personality Disorder? Who, me?? (bipolarandiknowit.wordpress.com)
- My double life (joannapsblog.wordpress.com)
- How to Boost Your Self-Esteem (everydayhealth.com)
- Getting Through Mental Illness (untreatableonline.com)
- Can you tell me who I am? (showard76.wordpress.com)