Never a truer word spoken…
Hi, readers how’s it going?
I’ve not been writing for some time now. It’s odd how despite writing being one of the biggest loves in my life I go through periods where I have nothing to say, no words to type and can go ‘silent’ for months on end. I’m not saying I’m back now, cause this may just be a one-off update post, even I don’t know at the moment.
So, why the title? Well it’s like this….Having BPD there are certain ways in which I change my lifestyle often, it’s all part of that unstable sense of self and image, the boredom, the constant need to have ‘something’ to occupy me in some way.
But, in other ways I have a tendency to get stuck in a rut, stuck in a routine… always doing what I’ve always done… It is these things that are the things likely to have a negative impact on my life in some way and it takes me a long time before I am able to stop, break the pattern and make a change – that needs to be made!
I’m always very honest and open about every aspect of my life, the most intimate details are often laid bare for all to see and cast judgement upon – but I can be too open, there are times when you really shouldn’t pour out your every waking thought and action to the World and I have often been unable to see when I have crossed that line, I am naïve. Before anyone starts saying “You naïve? never” I’m not saying I am naïve about ‘everything’ just that there are some things where I am and I learn some hard lessons as a result of my naïvety.
I make mistakes in who I trust, what I share and what I do.
And now is one of those times where realisation has caught up with me again and I know it is time to STOP.
It is time for a change, because if I keep on doing the things I do I’m going to keep getting the same results, if I want a different outcome I need to change my way of doing things…
This all probably sounds very vague and cryptic, but I guess in some ways that is half of the point – keeping some of my business to myself is one part of the change that needs to happen.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not unhappy, or slipping back into another crisis. This is all in a very positive light, positive mood and these are positive actions to make my life even better.
I don’t make a habit of cutting people out my life unless they really seriously deserve it, but there are a few people who will not be hearing off me any more because they are another part of the changes I need to make – negative people and influences that only encourage the ‘wrong’ behaviours in me need to go… I need to be with positive people who will encourage the best in me and support me as I battle myself to change the patterns of my behaviour that need to be discarded so that I can improve my life.
It may sound like a flippant comparison as the changes are not as huge but I’m approaching it like an alcoholic going sober, the positive people will be like my ‘sponsors’, my AA buddies. And I will also probably increase the frequency of my therapy appointments just for the bit of extra support while I get through those first early stages – another comparison – like quitting smoking, it’s going to be the first few weeks I will find the hardest, lapsing is easiest when you haven’t made much progress, but I’m pretty sure after a couple of weeks I should have made enough progress to stick with it. After all the changes are only small and minor compared to going sober and quitting smoking – simple behaviour and attitude alterations for my own benefit… I guess others may benefit from the changes too but they are really just for me…
So, I’m not going to keep doing what I’ve always done, and hopefully I won’t keep getting what I’ve always got…
Onwards and Upwards – Smile people, life is too short to wear a frown 😉
What about you have you made changes in your life?
What have the results of doing so been been like for you?
- Identity and BPD: so many angles, so little mind… (halfofasoul.wordpress.com)
- How the brain works in Borderline Personality Disorder (forfreepsychology.wordpress.com)
- Borderline Personality Disorder: The Pursuit of Stability & Recovery (makebpdstigmafree.wordpress.com)
- Borderline Personality Disorder and ‘The Chameleon Effect’ (makebpdstigmafree.wordpress.com)
- Being borderline (bpd2013.wordpress.com)
- the power of a label (borderlinerblog.wordpress.com)
- Borderline in motion (spacey8156.wordpress.com)
- Out of the darkness, but not into the light (halfofasoul.wordpress.com)
- What is Borderline Personality Disorder? (spirallingdownwards.wordpress.com)
- 30 Day Borderline Personality Disorder Challenge – Day 1 (krystinasstory.wordpress.com)