Borderline Personality Disorder, Recovery and Me in 2013


Road to Recovery

Road to Recovery

October was the last time I posted here, and my stats sure show an understandably huge decline in readership – why come here if there is nothing new to read after all. A double-edged sword…

I miss the camaraderie of conversing with my fellow bloggers and keeping up with how everyone is getting on but at the same time that I do not ‘need’ my blog and reading others as a crutch to help me cope with what is still a very busy, emotional and challenging life is a clear indication of how much better I am now than I was.

That said, this may end up being a post of more than one part, as I don’t want to bore you senseless droning on for hours, but I do have a lot to cover in this long overdue update. I’m going to start with the most important topic (blog wise) BPD after all it was writing about living with Borderline Personality Disorder that really caused my blog to take off and draw people in so for my readers knowing how much this effects me now is certainly the most important thing they are interested in – for hope, inspiration and encouragement that they too can recover, so here goes… Continue reading

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Recovering from BPD – Self-sabotage and heading for another crisis


BPD Objects

BPD Objects (Photo credit: Vinally2010)

I was doing well, my recovery from BPD was progressing, so I told myself, but recently I noticed that something wasn’t quite ‘right’ and as usual identifying what exactly was wrong was hard.

I think I may have been lying to myself for a while, I think I may have been masking again. Falling apart inside, outside appearing to be doing well. I think I am self-sabotaging…

I have been slowly picking at trying to work out exactly why I am slipping off the recovery tracks and what has caused this, then yesterday I was replying to an email I had received from someone about BPD and as I wrote my own situation started spilling out and I had a realisation about what is going wrong and why…

This is what I wrote in that email (details of the other person not included)… Continue reading

Hope for recovery from BPD


English: Managing emotions - Identifying feelings

English: Managing emotions – Identifying feelings (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Recovery, the one thing everyone with Borderline Personality Disorder wonders if it is actually possible, after all it’s a condition with little useful treatment options and no ‘cure’.

Is recovery possible?

How can someone with BPD achieve it?

Will it last?

These are just some of the questions that I and others with BPD ask ourselves and others all the time and the answers are not straight forward, the possibility of recovery from BPD is as complex and troublesome as the condition itself… but… Continue reading

Time Can’t Heal Everything (or My Brain is Still Anorexic) – Guest Post by Tara


Image credit – Greenbay http://www.sxc.hu/photo/1395880

Five years since recovering from anorexia, I’d almost forgotten my paralyzing fear of food.

I mean, really, no one ever forgets.  But it had been some time since food had been an inconvenience for me.  Where once I had been unable to eat in public without guarding my food with a steak knife, I could even share a bowl of ice cream with friends.  I no longer wondered what people would think of me, if they thought I deserved to eat those delicious calories, how ugly I’d look with an extra ounce of chocolate-induced fat on my thighs.

And it was terrifying how quickly I slipped back into that fanatical world just because of a bowl of soup. Continue reading

Crawling back from the pit…


DEPRESSION

That’s it, the end of an era – not that it lasted all that long, 12 months to be precise. I’ve been made redundant… it’s not like I didn’t see it coming – a recession, a merger, my role being the least important… It was inevitable, and nothing personal – but it still hurts like hell…

Sure I have plans, but who knows how long they will take to bear fruits. In the meantime I’m back to the jobless struggle, like so many others.

I gave up so much for my little part-time Office Manager job, including my marriage (yes there were other factors in that too, but…) in the end it boiled down to a ‘simple’ ( or should that be difficult?) choice – 8 hours a week doing a little job I loved and which had given my life meaning after so long (16 years) wondering if I would ever have more, or, my marriage, which was also having other problems… I chose my job and in the end that choice came to have far more serious repercussions for me than I ever imagined, but we have to live with the choices we make, right or wrong, for better or worse (hmm, that line reminds me of something…oops!)

Other than keeping my job some other good did come from my decision; both me and my kids became happier, more independent, well-rounded individuals. Also, i have a wonderful new man in my life, who is mega supportive and keen to help me succeed (being mega successful himself) and hopefully he is as glad to have me as I am to have him – you would have to ask him about that! ;P

Anyway, What am I going to do with myself now I’m out of work? I hear you say… Well as I’ve mentioned in earlier blogs I plan to start my own business, initially my first job is helping my boyfriend set up his business alongside mine, whilst also training in Quality Assurance, taking us both through a variety of ISO standards (9001, 14001, 27000, and 17021 for starters) to gain experience that will be invaluable when trying to attract my own customers, helping small businesses achieve these standards as a qualified auditor and accredited certified body for ISO 🙂 It will take a while before I reach that level but hopefully I will be able to gain enough experience along the way to make a success of it – after all not many people enjoy writing policies, processes and procedures, so I’m sure there will be plenty of small businesses I can offer a few hours to here and there to help get them up to speed (and add to my own experience bank at the same time)!

I already have tons of training courses booked up and setting up TWO businesses is sure to fill up most of my time, however, I also intend to have a bit of selfish me time for a change – something that has been neglected far too long! I’m going to join a theatre group… singing has always been a passion of mine but I’ve never really had the confidence to do anything about it (other than recording two songs, which really do not demonstrate me at my best, but still…) and watching Glee has inspired me to chase the dream at little, along with my annual plan to audition for X-factor (I’ve missed the auditions two years in a row now, and don’t intend to miss them this year!!) I don’t expect, or even want, to become a star, I just want to improve my confidence and be able to get up on stage in front of my family and friends maybe as part of a musical production, and feel proud of what I can do 🙂

So, there you have it my plans for crawling back to some semblance of a normal life. What are you doing with your life? I would be interested to find out… 🙂